I’ve started to think that part of the reason that i rarely write on my blogs anymore is because i tell all my daily allotment of stories to the customers i serve at work and then have nothing left at the end of the day. I love interacting with people, listening to their problems and success stories, and sharing my similar or related experiences in return. I once thought this was redirecting too much attention onto myself, but was later told that this is why i’m such a good listener: i prove that i was paying attention and instinctively know what to say to make things better. Usually, at least… i’m far from perfect. This all tends to be rather draining and by the time i get home i’m usually ready to be alone. Only then i have been mostly getting onto WoW and interacting with guildees and strangers. And they have stories and problems, too.
My primary spiritual gift is Encouragement, and my singing, writing, and sense of humor all tie into that. I can be very empathetic, not about everything, but the people God puts into my path? I make way more time for them than i do for my family. I’m ashamed to say that because i am so polite at work (sometimes in the face of rudeness) that i have next to no patience for my family at the end of the day. It doesn’t help that i am constantly exhausted. The irony is that i brag about my family at work all the time. If people i know ask how i am, or how we have been, i spend most of my time talking about my siblings.
I am very comfortable sharing intimate details online, but not so much in person. Why is that? I ask myself this question over and over. It’s partially because i hate lying, but i also don’t want to share my history of depression with everyone. I don’t have the time to do that over the course of a short transaction and i doubt that anyone cares to hear it. People probably don’t want to read it, either, which is why as i’ve aged i’ve compartmentalized it. It’s all on my LiveJournal now, whereas when i was on Blogger it was all out front there. I try to keep it to a minimum here.
Compartmentalizing things also feels like deception, though. For instance, i write smut, and lots of it. In fact, most of the fanfiction stories i’ve written over the past few years were smut. Once again, why?!? I am a virgin, what do i know about sex? But this is how i internalize and work through things, i write. I write copiously and have always felt impelled to share all of my deepest, darkest secrets with the world. All of them. Which is why i finally opened up about what goes on in my Happy/Safe Place, at the risk of sounding like an out-of-touch self-deluded pervert.
The thing is that my measure of what is appropriate to write about comes from the Bible. Have you read the Song of Solomon? It’s not smut, but it certainly is steamy. It’s graphic. What else is the Bible graphic about? Well, how about violence? Have you read about Moses, David, Jesus? One of my sister’s favorite Bible stories is that of Phinehas (sans Ferb).
While the Israelites were camped at Acacia Grove, some of the men defiled themselves by having sexual relations with local Moabite women. These women invited them to attend sacrifices to their gods, so the Israelites feasted with them and worshiped the gods of Moab. In this way, Israel joined in the worship of Baal of Peor, causing the LORD‘s anger to blaze against his people.
The LORD issued the following command to Moses: “Seize all the ringleaders and execute them before the LORD in broad daylight, so his fierce anger will turn away from the people of Israel.”
So Moses ordered Israel’s judges, “Each of you must put to death the men under your authority who have joined in worshiping Baal of Peor.”
Just then one of the Israelite men brought a Midianite woman into his tent, right before the eyes of Moses and all the people, as everyone was weeping at the entrance of the Tabernacle. When Phinehas son of Eleazar and grandson of Aaron the priest saw this, he jumped up and left the assembly. He took a spear and rushed after the man into his tent. Phinehas thrust the spear all the way through the man’s body and into the woman’s stomach. So the plague against the Israelites was stopped, but not before 24,000 people had died. – Numbers 25:1-9
It’s like something out of Game of Thrones. Only this is the Bible! So i have no qualms about watching violent films or reading violent books, because guess what? Humans are violent. Anyone who says otherwise is ignoring a lot of history and human nature. Violence isn’t the thing that’s rare, not really, peace is what’s rare. The world wants us to believe that World Peace is the goal, but guess what? Religion is too divisive for them. They want to write their own rules, or should i say that Satan does, since he’s the one who set off this series of events, the cascade of sin and death. There will be no real world peace until after Satan is thrown into the pit, any world peace before that will be a sham and should be fought against. I won’t go into Revelation just now.
So i watch/read Game of Thrones, and i watched Fargo, and the gore makes me flinch every time, and the sex repulses me and i wish they would tone it down, but i don’t think i should stop watching. I think i should start talking about what the Bible says about these things, about whether TPTB are glorifying the sex and violence…or using it to make us think.
But i’m too tired to do that just now, i just worked for six hours doing my storytelling and comedy act. Same time on Wednesday, folks.